Starring Robert Pattinson, Emilie de Ravin, Pierce Brosnan, Chris Cooper and Lena Olin. 109 minutes. Directed by Allen Coulter. At major theatres.f Remember Me is remembered for anything at all, other than being yet another Robert Pattinson vehicle, it will be for its over-the-top ending, which ranks high amongst the most shameless jerkers of tears ever unleashed upon lachrymose teens.
The fact that it likely will succeed in causing flash pubescent floods in theatres should not be taken as proof of the picture's general excellence. The reverse is true: Any movie that requires something this maudlin and exploitive to unblock the tear ducts prior to rolling the credits has failed in the intervening two hours or so to do anything worthy of emotion.
It's becoming increasingly apparent that the curse which afflicts Pattinson isn't the immortal vampire lust that his character Edgar profitably summons in the Twilight franchise.
No, it's the requirement made of him by every director that he brood all over the place. Pattinson isn't allowed to live a normal life like the rest of us. He is a more than capable actor, yet he is doomed for all eternity to sit in a corner and brood about the girl/fish/life that got away. Even when he has good reason to brood – the suicide of his character Tyler's older brother in Remember Me would certainly qualify – he seems excessively brood-y about it.
The fact that Pattinson is a championship brooder doesn't change the picture. I'm not the first, nor will I be the last, to compare him to James Dean in that furrow of his brow and that concentrated suck on the ciggie.
The real problem is that he's stuck with scripts that revolve around the intensity of his brooding. I would venture to say that 99 per cent of the problems his various characters endure is the result of excessive brooding, with the exception of that unfortunate vampire curse in Twilight – probably the result of another vampire having grown bored of his constant moping about.
In Remember Me, Pattinson's Tyler is brooding over having won the genetic lottery. He is a New York University student with a fabulously wealthy dad (Pierce Brosnan), a gorgeous mom (Lena Olin) and enough free cash that he can drink and smoke to abandon without causing the slightest ill effect to his rakishly slender body. Is he happy? Of course not.
Earlier we saw what happens when Tyler foolishly takes his brooding off the leash. He gets involved in a fight with thugs in an alleyway. He bravely attempts to be the Good Samaritan, but his actions are judged by the cops to be suspicious. Angered by their lack of mind-reading ability, Tyler begins to pummel Sgt. Neil Craig (Chris Cooper), who – lawdy! – will later turn out to be the dad of Ally. (Don't brood; this isn't a spoiler.)
While attempting to brood his way into Ally's heart, Tyler will also have to brood his way out of dad's doghouse – and dad bites. Tyler could try using sex to break the ice, with Ally at least. But based on the evidence in Remember Me, that only leads to more brooding.
It is another curious fact about Pattinson that 99 per cent of the scrapes his characters get into (with the exception once again of that vampire thing) could be solved if he were just to pop open a beer, or brew a pot of tea, and just explain to the aggrieved other party what it is that he's brooding about.
But then there wouldn't be much reason for a movie in the first place, would there? Now that's really something worth brooding over.
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